Apologies for not sharing this sooner.
My mother, Sally Abbey, died suddenly Tuesday in the morning.
She died from a stroke / heart attack.
I found her early Tuesday evening on the floor.
It seems it was very sudden, with minimal suffering.
We had visited Saturday, and she had a very nice, enjoyable day. She
seemed healthy as always.
Funeral arrangements are for visitation on Friday evening and Catholic
Mass on Saturday, at 11am at Kaul's of Roseville.
Details are on her online obituary.
Mom is with Jesus, and no longer missing Dad.
Showing posts with label praise needed. Show all posts
Showing posts with label praise needed. Show all posts
Mom considered safe to stay at home alone.
A meeting at the house with a medical social worker today was uneventful and went well.
She was convinced that Mom is safe at home. She is going to help by making some recommendations for pill dispenser with alarm reminder, and phone ringer with flashing light. The nurse, after her second visit, was less worried as well.
She was convinced that Mom is safe at home. She is going to help by making some recommendations for pill dispenser with alarm reminder, and phone ringer with flashing light. The nurse, after her second visit, was less worried as well.
Mom's doctor appointment went OK; cold less a worry than regular pill taking.
Doctor is worried that Mom might not regularly take her pills. He is planning on asking a visiting nurse to check up on her.
Funeral went well.
The funeral went well in my opinion, and helped Mom and I mourn about Dad's death and rejoice about Dad's life. Thanks to all who helped, attended, and prayed.
Eulogy / Tribute to my father, Harold Abbey
Dad was not perfect, and made many mistakes. However, I want to share some areas that I think we can learn from my father, Harold Abbey.
Dad loved Mom deeply. Many of the health care workers got to see love expressed in ways that were not possible when they were both healthy. When Mom was near death due to a stroke a year ago, Dad said that he wanted to hear Mom yell at him, because then he would know she was OK. Dad cried out desperately to God to save her, and God in His mercy did. So He got his desire to be yelled at. Even in much of their bickering, you could tell that Mom and Dad deeply loved each other. When Dad was ill himself, he fought the best he could because he worried about Mom, and wanted to care for her. Even his cheapness reflected love. He loves God, and wanted to not waste God's money, and he loved Mom, and feared that she would not have enough during retirement years.
Dad was tight with his money for himself, but was generous as he felt he could be with others. He knew however that money alone often can only make underlying issues worse, so he tried to be careful.
Dad would have spoiled me badly, but he did not have it to give. He told me he was glad he did not have it, because he knew it would not be good for me.
Dad hated to see anything go to waste. He felt he should not throw away items that God had given to him to take care of.
Even the items in the dumpster at the Hudson's department store, such as cabinets, lumber, light fixtures, and much else was salvaged. It has blessed many of the family and friends.
Dad loved Mom deeply. Many of the health care workers got to see love expressed in ways that were not possible when they were both healthy. When Mom was near death due to a stroke a year ago, Dad said that he wanted to hear Mom yell at him, because then he would know she was OK. Dad cried out desperately to God to save her, and God in His mercy did. So He got his desire to be yelled at. Even in much of their bickering, you could tell that Mom and Dad deeply loved each other. When Dad was ill himself, he fought the best he could because he worried about Mom, and wanted to care for her. Even his cheapness reflected love. He loves God, and wanted to not waste God's money, and he loved Mom, and feared that she would not have enough during retirement years.
Dad was tight with his money for himself, but was generous as he felt he could be with others. He knew however that money alone often can only make underlying issues worse, so he tried to be careful.
Dad would have spoiled me badly, but he did not have it to give. He told me he was glad he did not have it, because he knew it would not be good for me.
Dad hated to see anything go to waste. He felt he should not throw away items that God had given to him to take care of.
Even the items in the dumpster at the Hudson's department store, such as cabinets, lumber, light fixtures, and much else was salvaged. It has blessed many of the family and friends.
A bit of details of Harold Abbey passage from pain into Jesus's presence.
Dad passed on to be with Jesus.
Mom, Sally Abbey, misses him greatly already.
Dad no longer needs medication to be free from physical pain.
He died.
I know some of you may have heard or read already, because of the
calls, visits, and writings of condolence and support. Thank you.
My father passed from life to death to second life around 3pm today, 10/28/2014.
He had been resting peacefully, with the aid of medicine, the last couple days.
Hospice was a great help with taking care of all the details.
Dad no longer needs medication to be free from physical pain.
He died.
I know some of you may have heard or read already, because of the
calls, visits, and writings of condolence and support. Thank you.
My father passed from life to death to second life around 3pm today, 10/28/2014.
He had been resting peacefully, with the aid of medicine, the last couple days.
Hospice was a great help with taking care of all the details.
Thank God for family and hospice
Hospice has been a great help to Dad, Mom and me.
Uncle Chuck and Aunt Luise came to visit a few days starting this evening and already have been a great help.
Dad is very non-responsive now and very thin looking. He has not been taking liquids for the last day.
So it looks to be soon that he will get to see Jesus.
So it looks to be soon that he will get to see Jesus.
Mom seems very OK when talking to others and distracted. She seems very sad when she thinks about Dad, but seems healthy about it.
Dad consistently very tired.
Dad did not get up today until around 4:30PM.
He always was a night owl, but this is ridiculous. It may be that he had gotten up earlier and went back to bed to rest. However, he had not yet taken his "morning" / wake-up time pills.
He seems to be in a lot of pain, which is likely part of the reason for resting so much. Resting so much means he does not get some of his pills spaced out as much, which is possibly a reason for some of his pain. Alas.
He seems to be getting enough liquids and food, but it is hard to tell. He for sure is not getting more than enough. He lost a lot of weight and could stand to add some of it back.
He seems to be getting discouraged, and sometimes wishes God would take him to heaven quickly and simply, such as via a heart attack. However, as he said, as a Christian he does not get to make that choice, but instead has to wait for God's plan.
Mom seems to be getting more easily distracted. While she had a visitor, she got a phone call. She answered the phone, found out who it was, and then hung up on them without clearly saying that Dad was resting and that she had to go because of a visitor. I wonder if her memory is getting slightly worse, or more confusion and unusual events around her are causing more challenges.
They both seemed to have a nice visit with Cousin Sean today, although Sean was greatly worried about them.
He always was a night owl, but this is ridiculous. It may be that he had gotten up earlier and went back to bed to rest. However, he had not yet taken his "morning" / wake-up time pills.
He seems to be in a lot of pain, which is likely part of the reason for resting so much. Resting so much means he does not get some of his pills spaced out as much, which is possibly a reason for some of his pain. Alas.
He seems to be getting enough liquids and food, but it is hard to tell. He for sure is not getting more than enough. He lost a lot of weight and could stand to add some of it back.
He seems to be getting discouraged, and sometimes wishes God would take him to heaven quickly and simply, such as via a heart attack. However, as he said, as a Christian he does not get to make that choice, but instead has to wait for God's plan.
Mom seems to be getting more easily distracted. While she had a visitor, she got a phone call. She answered the phone, found out who it was, and then hung up on them without clearly saying that Dad was resting and that she had to go because of a visitor. I wonder if her memory is getting slightly worse, or more confusion and unusual events around her are causing more challenges.
They both seemed to have a nice visit with Cousin Sean today, although Sean was greatly worried about them.
Dad coming home today, 10/2/2014.
Dad's progress in the nursing home continued well.
So he is cleared to come home today, 10/2/2014, Thursday.
He and Mom are both very happy about that.
He has been assigned to use a rolling walker to help walk.
In general, he seems to be the healthiest he has been in quite a while.
Of course, I understand that long term outlook is different, but for the near term, I have good hopes.
I pray that Mom and Dad can get used to living together again. I also ask that being in the same house will help reduce their bickering, since their worries can be lessened since they are together.
So he is cleared to come home today, 10/2/2014, Thursday.
He and Mom are both very happy about that.
He has been assigned to use a rolling walker to help walk.
In general, he seems to be the healthiest he has been in quite a while.
Of course, I understand that long term outlook is different, but for the near term, I have good hopes.
I pray that Mom and Dad can get used to living together again. I also ask that being in the same house will help reduce their bickering, since their worries can be lessened since they are together.
Dad ready for second cataract surgery.
Good news of day: Dad is cleared for cataract surgery for his second eye. The first eye surgery went well. Dad's eyesight is getting to be a real nuisance for him, so this is good news.
It has been a big positive that Affordable Home Care has been driving Mom to visit Dad. That has made things much easier on me.
It has been a big positive that Affordable Home Care has been driving Mom to visit Dad. That has made things much easier on me.
Dad finished with chemotherapy. Estimated 3 weeks till comes home, and 6 months till leaves for eternal home.
The nursing home stay is going well for Dad.
The nursing home rehab is estimating that Dad will be able to come home in October. He has already greatly improved.
Dad decided he cannot take chemotherapy anymore.
The doctor is estimating that Dad has less than 7 months to live, perhaps 6, perhaps less.
Mom, Dad and I all seem to be taking it well, in large part because we have been halfway expecting this for a while.
The nursing home rehab is estimating that Dad will be able to come home in October. He has already greatly improved.
Dad decided he cannot take chemotherapy anymore.
The doctor is estimating that Dad has less than 7 months to live, perhaps 6, perhaps less.
Mom, Dad and I all seem to be taking it well, in large part because we have been halfway expecting this for a while.
Dad moving to Church of Christ Care Center.
The plan is that Dad will move to Church of Christ Care Center at 5pm by ambulance from the hospital today.
I am praising God for this.
I am praising God for this.
Dad doing better in hospital, but still vomiting
Dad looked and sounded much better this afternoon.
His cancer doctor mentioned the possibility (likelihood?) of him being sent to a nursing home / rehab center after getting out of the hospital. Both Mom and Dad are saddened by that idea, but seem to be accepting of it. Dad's main concern is confirming if it would be covered by their health insurance. A secondary hope is to get to a desirable place.
Dad was put on a liquid diet, due to his still vomiting. Even with a liquid meal, he still had trouble keeping food down.
His cancer doctor mentioned the possibility (likelihood?) of him being sent to a nursing home / rehab center after getting out of the hospital. Both Mom and Dad are saddened by that idea, but seem to be accepting of it. Dad's main concern is confirming if it would be covered by their health insurance. A secondary hope is to get to a desirable place.
Dad was put on a liquid diet, due to his still vomiting. Even with a liquid meal, he still had trouble keeping food down.
Transportation mostly solved; nutrition good recently, but still a concern.
Yesterday afternoon Dad, in despair, called me over to the house to help. He wanted help cleaning himself and getting food and water.
I was able to help some.
Also he was able to have a breakfast drink this morning, a sandwich for lunch, and a reasonable dinner.
Today he also got a raised toilet seat that goes over the existing toilet.
Dad was also able to get up from the toilet seat unassisted after the placement of a seat riser on the toilet.
The physical therapist was there, and seemed to feel Dad would have enough strength to do his business unassisted.
His cancer doctor today thought he looked a lot better, mainly because of his body posture reflecting his less pain and more strength. Chemotherapy is continuing Wednesday.
Dad had felt weak enough that he decided to ask the Doctor for a walker. Doctor felt that Dad should not give in yet to getting more of that type of help, and that for now he should keep using a cane.
As part of the visit to the doctor, the hired help came along to learn where the doctor's office was, and the procedure that had been used to transport Dad.
It looks like the hired help will be a huge help for transportation. They helped Dad down the stairs safely, and were able to drive Mom's car home without any concerns.
Dad requested, and the hired help agreed, to also try their vehicle to see if it works better for them than Mom's car.
They will cost slightly more than taxi service, be much more helpful with steps in and out, and be understanding of the situation. Also, riding in Mom's car is much more comfortable for Dad than one of the taxis he was in one-and-a-half weeks ago.
Mom did not question today Dad getting a ride from someone else, nor that she would get a ride tomorrow to her doctor's appointment. Now that the arrangements are being made in somewhat of a whirlwind, she does not even seem to be asking the question of why, and why does she need help driving. Hopefully the question will not come to her mind, or be answered sufficiently in some non-threatening way.
There is still a concern of Dad getting water and nourishment. We are still working for agreements and arrangements so hired help can work to help with that as well. Alternatively, if Dad can gain enough strength to get himself to the refrigerator and table himself, maybe the hired help will not need to worry about that part.
So praise God for the extra help, and Dad's improvement of today anyway.
I was able to help some.
Also he was able to have a breakfast drink this morning, a sandwich for lunch, and a reasonable dinner.
Today he also got a raised toilet seat that goes over the existing toilet.
Dad was also able to get up from the toilet seat unassisted after the placement of a seat riser on the toilet.
The physical therapist was there, and seemed to feel Dad would have enough strength to do his business unassisted.
His cancer doctor today thought he looked a lot better, mainly because of his body posture reflecting his less pain and more strength. Chemotherapy is continuing Wednesday.
Dad had felt weak enough that he decided to ask the Doctor for a walker. Doctor felt that Dad should not give in yet to getting more of that type of help, and that for now he should keep using a cane.
As part of the visit to the doctor, the hired help came along to learn where the doctor's office was, and the procedure that had been used to transport Dad.
It looks like the hired help will be a huge help for transportation. They helped Dad down the stairs safely, and were able to drive Mom's car home without any concerns.
Dad requested, and the hired help agreed, to also try their vehicle to see if it works better for them than Mom's car.
They will cost slightly more than taxi service, be much more helpful with steps in and out, and be understanding of the situation. Also, riding in Mom's car is much more comfortable for Dad than one of the taxis he was in one-and-a-half weeks ago.
Mom did not question today Dad getting a ride from someone else, nor that she would get a ride tomorrow to her doctor's appointment. Now that the arrangements are being made in somewhat of a whirlwind, she does not even seem to be asking the question of why, and why does she need help driving. Hopefully the question will not come to her mind, or be answered sufficiently in some non-threatening way.
There is still a concern of Dad getting water and nourishment. We are still working for agreements and arrangements so hired help can work to help with that as well. Alternatively, if Dad can gain enough strength to get himself to the refrigerator and table himself, maybe the hired help will not need to worry about that part.
So praise God for the extra help, and Dad's improvement of today anyway.
Dr. Kent Brantly discharge statement shows a willing servant of God.
Praise God for His servants who are willing to risk their lives for the chance to save others' physical and spiritual lives.
I think these heroes need to be publicized, as this is a respectable American Dream.
May God continue to bless the world through America.
May God give wisdom to the medical and spiritual help from so many nations currently trying to help western Africa deal with this disease.
Dr. Kent Brantly's statements are available in text or in the video below.
I think these heroes need to be publicized, as this is a respectable American Dream.
May God continue to bless the world through America.
May God give wisdom to the medical and spiritual help from so many nations currently trying to help western Africa deal with this disease.
Dr. Kent Brantly's statements are available in text or in the video below.
Dad was weak from dehydration, chemo, maybe hunger. Still weak but sounds better. Hired help.
Wednesday on 8/13, when I had previously seen Dad, he seemed to be doing OK and taking some care of self in regards to liquids and eating.
On Monday, 8/18, Dad seemed very weak before we went to his chemo doctor's appointment.
Dad, if I read the scale right and remember right, lost over 5 pounds in one week. He no longer has extra weight to lose. Dad mentioned that he needs to eat more than the one meal a day he had been getting. The nurse also confirmed my suspicions that he was dehydrated. They gave him some fluids intravenously.
His tongue was dry and sore (likely in part due to dehydration). That made drinking and eating all the more difficult. Doctor gave him some medicine to numb his mouth to make eating and drinking easier. It seemed to help, but Dad barely had the strength and motivation to eat just a little bit. I am hoping that what he did eat, the fluid shots, and nutrition drinks, will revive him. I am also hoping that the home care will also help once set up. His visiting nurse will be sure to check and discuss nutrition and drinking fluids with Dad when she visits tomorrow, 8/21.
The meeting with Affordable HomeCare went well. Dad decided to sign up, and Mom did not protest. The first session is Monday, 8/25/2014.
Affordable HomeCare is willing to help with transportation, grocery shopping, and much more. The limiting factor is more likely to be my parents than their willingness. The main limitation is anything remotely medical is not allowed. They will start out with a plan for primarily transportation related days / activities. I have hopes that my parents will get more comfortable with other items such as pill reminders, dish washing, laundry, whatever my parents will accept.
Dad yesterday was talking positively of the service. Mom seemed OK with it until Dad suggested, among other things, that they could do grocery shopping for them. She was very upset with that idea. Cousin Sean tried to convince her that they will not do anything she does not want. They will treat her like a rock star. During the introduction meeting we had mentioned them going shopping with her, and taking over when she gets tired. That was fine. But she does not want to stop going to the grocery store. That is her time away from the house. Thankfully, the HomeCare team seem to understand the desires of people to do as much as they can, and only be there to help as requested.
Dad is having trouble getting up from seats. Including toilet seats.
Monday night, 8/18, after waiting for 3 hours of Dad trying to get himself up, Mom finally called the fire department to help.
We are awaiting a toilet seat booster on back-order from a catalog, currently estimated for end of the month. Cousin Sean said he might be able to get one from a relative who no longer needs it.
Yesterday he was able to get up out of seats three or four times with great effort. However, the 5th time he needed Cousin Sean's help.
Mom's surgery for her nose skin cancer went well yesterday, 8/19.
She has a big bandage on her nose. She feels kind of awkward about it. She is self-conscious and is not crazy about going outside with it, since she looks funny in her opinion. She should keep it on for 48 hours.
On Monday, 8/18, Dad seemed very weak before we went to his chemo doctor's appointment.
Dad, if I read the scale right and remember right, lost over 5 pounds in one week. He no longer has extra weight to lose. Dad mentioned that he needs to eat more than the one meal a day he had been getting. The nurse also confirmed my suspicions that he was dehydrated. They gave him some fluids intravenously.
His tongue was dry and sore (likely in part due to dehydration). That made drinking and eating all the more difficult. Doctor gave him some medicine to numb his mouth to make eating and drinking easier. It seemed to help, but Dad barely had the strength and motivation to eat just a little bit. I am hoping that what he did eat, the fluid shots, and nutrition drinks, will revive him. I am also hoping that the home care will also help once set up. His visiting nurse will be sure to check and discuss nutrition and drinking fluids with Dad when she visits tomorrow, 8/21.
The meeting with Affordable HomeCare went well. Dad decided to sign up, and Mom did not protest. The first session is Monday, 8/25/2014.
Affordable HomeCare is willing to help with transportation, grocery shopping, and much more. The limiting factor is more likely to be my parents than their willingness. The main limitation is anything remotely medical is not allowed. They will start out with a plan for primarily transportation related days / activities. I have hopes that my parents will get more comfortable with other items such as pill reminders, dish washing, laundry, whatever my parents will accept.
Dad yesterday was talking positively of the service. Mom seemed OK with it until Dad suggested, among other things, that they could do grocery shopping for them. She was very upset with that idea. Cousin Sean tried to convince her that they will not do anything she does not want. They will treat her like a rock star. During the introduction meeting we had mentioned them going shopping with her, and taking over when she gets tired. That was fine. But she does not want to stop going to the grocery store. That is her time away from the house. Thankfully, the HomeCare team seem to understand the desires of people to do as much as they can, and only be there to help as requested.
Dad is having trouble getting up from seats. Including toilet seats.
Monday night, 8/18, after waiting for 3 hours of Dad trying to get himself up, Mom finally called the fire department to help.
We are awaiting a toilet seat booster on back-order from a catalog, currently estimated for end of the month. Cousin Sean said he might be able to get one from a relative who no longer needs it.
Yesterday he was able to get up out of seats three or four times with great effort. However, the 5th time he needed Cousin Sean's help.
Mom's surgery for her nose skin cancer went well yesterday, 8/19.
She has a big bandage on her nose. She feels kind of awkward about it. She is self-conscious and is not crazy about going outside with it, since she looks funny in her opinion. She should keep it on for 48 hours.
Taxi working for my Dad; Also considering hired home care help.
Dad has taken a taxi 3 times now. He is OK with taking one to and from his blood test tomorrow. He does still feel it is expensive, and is tempted to try driving.
Mom has not ridden with him, and also has not thrown as much of a temper tantrum about it as she did in the past.
Dad and Mom both seem to be doing OK, but both wish they could do more physically.
Monday, 8/18/2014 PM I have invited a home care help service to the house to offer more help to my parents. Basically, I expect they will give their sales pitch to Dad and Mom. We will see if Mom is accepting of it... Dad is not too hopeful, based on how Mom has forced away so much of the help that was offered by family. However, Cousin Sean and I can not spend all our time over there. I also worry that Dad will feel it is too expensive, as the service is not cheap. However, I think it is a good option for near term transportation needs, and gives more options if they ever need more extensive help in the future. Also, considering all they are willing to do, the price seems not unreasonable for hired help.
Mom today asked me if I was in trouble at work. She then asked why the work does not realize that I have family that needs help. She does not seem to understand how much time I have already been spending, how much time is still needed for many more months, and that workplaces can not just keep fully paying employees forever for only working half time. I have been very thankful at the flexibility and understanding my workplace has already given.
Mom has not ridden with him, and also has not thrown as much of a temper tantrum about it as she did in the past.
Dad and Mom both seem to be doing OK, but both wish they could do more physically.
Monday, 8/18/2014 PM I have invited a home care help service to the house to offer more help to my parents. Basically, I expect they will give their sales pitch to Dad and Mom. We will see if Mom is accepting of it... Dad is not too hopeful, based on how Mom has forced away so much of the help that was offered by family. However, Cousin Sean and I can not spend all our time over there. I also worry that Dad will feel it is too expensive, as the service is not cheap. However, I think it is a good option for near term transportation needs, and gives more options if they ever need more extensive help in the future. Also, considering all they are willing to do, the price seems not unreasonable for hired help.
Mom today asked me if I was in trouble at work. She then asked why the work does not realize that I have family that needs help. She does not seem to understand how much time I have already been spending, how much time is still needed for many more months, and that workplaces can not just keep fully paying employees forever for only working half time. I have been very thankful at the flexibility and understanding my workplace has already given.
Much bickering, but seems healthy physically.
Today there were quite a few bickering and arguments between my parents and sometimes myself. However, some times of relative peace too. So both of them have some degree of energy and health.
Dad's chemo is going uneventfully.
Below is mainly just rambling on on emotional health. Physical health of them both is pretty much unchanged.
Dad's chemo is going uneventfully.
Below is mainly just rambling on on emotional health. Physical health of them both is pretty much unchanged.
Dad is home, and to restart chemo.
Dad decided to go home rather than to a rehab nursing home, mainly because the health insurance would cover either chemotherapy or nursing home, but not both. If Dad is healthy enough to go out to chemo treatments, he is too healthy for the nursing home. Dad chose to continue the chemo treatments, which restart Friday, 8/8/2014.
Mom is very glad to have Dad at home again.
Dad's back was hurting him quite severely tonight, which he attributes to having been stuck in bed a lot at the hospital. He is focused on regaining strength by eating 3 meals a day. He is hoping Mom will wake him up when she gets up, and then he'll be able to eat all 3 meals at fairly normal times. Because Dad has no appetite, he has to force himself to eat, which takes a lot longer (an hour for a peanut butter sandwich), but he gets the food down.
While Dad is very thankful for the help he got at the hospital, he told the staff as he left that he hopes to come next time as a visitor rather than as a patient.
Mom is very glad to have Dad at home again.
Dad's back was hurting him quite severely tonight, which he attributes to having been stuck in bed a lot at the hospital. He is focused on regaining strength by eating 3 meals a day. He is hoping Mom will wake him up when she gets up, and then he'll be able to eat all 3 meals at fairly normal times. Because Dad has no appetite, he has to force himself to eat, which takes a lot longer (an hour for a peanut butter sandwich), but he gets the food down.
While Dad is very thankful for the help he got at the hospital, he told the staff as he left that he hopes to come next time as a visitor rather than as a patient.
Dad much better, and considering nursing home for next step. Mom feels home spooky alone.
Dad looks and is much better, both physically and emotionally.
Dad's doctor asked what he thought about spending some time in a rest home. Dad thinks it might help. So Dad is thinking of going to a rehab/nursing home until he can take care of himself. He feels he tried going home and having Mom take care of him, but she & he could not handle it. Mom felt sad that she could not. She could understand that she was not giving him good cooked meals, and blames herself some for that. She could not understand so well that Dad needed to be woken up to get pills and meals at certain times of day. In her words, when she tried that, Dad bit her head off. We said that the nursing home workers have thicker skin.
Dad's doctor asked what he thought about spending some time in a rest home. Dad thinks it might help. So Dad is thinking of going to a rehab/nursing home until he can take care of himself. He feels he tried going home and having Mom take care of him, but she & he could not handle it. Mom felt sad that she could not. She could understand that she was not giving him good cooked meals, and blames herself some for that. She could not understand so well that Dad needed to be woken up to get pills and meals at certain times of day. In her words, when she tried that, Dad bit her head off. We said that the nursing home workers have thicker skin.
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