Dad was not perfect, and made many mistakes. However, I want to share some areas that I think we can learn from my father, Harold Abbey.
Dad loved Mom deeply. Many of the health care workers got to see love expressed in ways that were not possible when they were both healthy. When Mom was near death due to a stroke a year ago, Dad said that he wanted to hear Mom yell at him, because then he would know she was OK. Dad cried out desperately to God to save her, and God in His mercy did. So He got his desire to be yelled at. Even in much of their bickering, you could tell that Mom and Dad deeply loved each other. When Dad was ill himself, he fought the best he could because he worried about Mom, and wanted to care for her. Even his cheapness reflected love. He loves God, and wanted to not waste God's money, and he loved Mom, and feared that she would not have enough during retirement years.
Dad was tight with his money for himself, but was generous as he felt he could be with others. He knew however that money alone often can only make underlying issues worse, so he tried to be careful.
Dad would have spoiled me badly, but he did not have it to give. He told me he was glad he did not have it, because he knew it would not be good for me.
Dad hated to see anything go to waste. He felt he should not throw away items that God had given to him to take care of.
Even the items in the dumpster at the Hudson's department store, such as cabinets, lumber, light fixtures, and much else was salvaged. It has blessed many of the family and friends.
Dad worried greatly about doing right by everyone, including his family. As example, I had made it clear that I would not get enough use out of Grandma O'Hare's cottage to make it worthwhile. My Dad became a friend of Sean O'Hare a few years ago. Sean's father helped build the cottage, so my Dad and Mom decided that keeping it in the family by letting Sean have it would be good. However, Dad asked me repeatedly before, during, and after signing it over if it was OK, and even long after he would apologize and explain that he thought I was not interested in it. I reassured him each time that I was very glad it is now Cousin Sean's.
He worried about making trouble for the doctors he was seeing. He repeatedly said to his chemotherapy nurse that he was sorry for being a bother.
Dad took promises very seriously. He was slow to promise, considering if there was any way he might not be able to do what he said. Once promised, he followed through. The promise that most affected my life was one that I did not learn of till my late teens. Dad and Mom are both Christians, trusting Jesus's death to allow erasing their many mistakes. Dad attended a baptist church, Mom a Catholic one, when they were dating. To marry a Catholic, Dad had to promise to not interfere with the Catholic upbringing of any children resulting from the marriage. They were married in 1969. I did not arrive till six years later. Dad strongly wanted me to know about Jesus. However, he took his promise to mean that he could not occupy my Sunday mornings with non-Catholic church services. Without Dad's leading, Mom rarely took me to church either. So my spiritual upbringing was from Dad and the TV and radio preachers that he made sure I was exposed to, such as Dr. D. James Kennedy. While not ideal, my Dad did his best while keeping the promise.
This also applied to meeting times. He was usually at least 5 minutes early to any appointment. If he was sick or unable to make some appointment, he worried greatly about it.
Because of Dad, I have learned that a man's word, his reputation, is valuable, and possible to be valued.
Dad never claimed to be smart, but he could study things and do okay, and he knew to ask for help figuring out things. Sean felt like he could ask advice, and Dad would do his best to give good advice to him. At an early age, he taught me to teach myself. When I would come to a new word while reading, rather than teaching me directly the meanings, he taught me to use a dictionary. That method has helped my whole life, long after I started reading items outside Dad's vocabulary.
Dad liked trees, and the birds and wildlife that comes with them, and he also liked that the shade reduced the frequency of grass cutting. He took grandpa's orchard and turned it into a forest of over 100 trees large and small on a third of an acre of land. When I was in elementary school, that came in somewhat handy this time of year, because the house looked very spooky to other kids my age. That significantly reduced the number of pranks pulled.
Dad cared about the trees, about the salvaged junk, about his pets, but much much more he cared about the people God put around him, strangers, friends, and family. He cared even more about me, and even more about Mom. All of this was because he cared most about God, and did his best to serve Christ, his savior.
Now Dad is serving his, and our, God with no fear of doing so in less than the best way possible.
I pray we continue to learn from the parts of his life that were a good example for us.
Thanks.
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