Mom is still adjusting to being a widow. A main sadness is lack of company or things to keep her busy. Her knitting helps, when she remembers it or is not tired of it. She also has been enjoying getting Christmas cards. She keeps on talking of writing up some to send out, but I doubt her attention span and memory will be such that she will ever get them out. She does think of many people, and has not forgotten her friends and family.
She is usually OK, but once in a while gets lonely.
She had a doctor appointment on Thursday. Her blood sugar level was really good, at 95. In general, she seems healthy. Mom asked if there was anything that could be done to help her memory. (I think it is worse than it was a couple months ago, in some respects.) The doctor said she needs some people to talk to. Being alone too much is not helping her memory.
The social worker that is affiliated with the doctor had her second and last visit on Friday. She recommended, but did not require, assisted living for Mom. In other words, Mom and I would get benefit from some of the services, but there is not an urgent safety need for them. Mom is still adamant about not moving, although sometimes she is open to considering a senior apartment. She wants to stay in the same area, and not move closer to me, because she knows that area, and would feel like she would have to learn where all the stores are in a new area.
The social worker also gave some recommendations on home care / private duty care providers, a new louder phone, and on pill dispensers that are timed to help Mom remember to take her medicine. The pill dispenser comes with a monthly charge for a monitoring service, so that does not really sound like what we want.
The phone answering machine quit working about a week ago. I am not planning on replacing it because Mom had a lot of trouble with it anyway. Without one, the phone can keep ringing, giving her more time to hear it, and get to it.
Today Mom came and visited our house for the first time. She said she had a good time. We wanted to get her away for the day, because 45 years ago today, Mom and Dad were married.
So I would say things are going OK, but not great near term, and still a lot of uncertainly long term. I am glad Mom is safe and healthy.
Mom considered safe to stay at home alone.
A meeting at the house with a medical social worker today was uneventful and went well.
She was convinced that Mom is safe at home. She is going to help by making some recommendations for pill dispenser with alarm reminder, and phone ringer with flashing light. The nurse, after her second visit, was less worried as well.
She was convinced that Mom is safe at home. She is going to help by making some recommendations for pill dispenser with alarm reminder, and phone ringer with flashing light. The nurse, after her second visit, was less worried as well.
Mom's doctor appointment went OK; cold less a worry than regular pill taking.
Doctor is worried that Mom might not regularly take her pills. He is planning on asking a visiting nurse to check up on her.
Mom not great, but OK, I am fine
I am doing OK, keeping too busy to really be affected by much.
Between work and paperwork needing done for the estate, and some other items, it seems like I have zero time.
Mom is struggling a bit. She is still adjusting, and realizes it will be a big adjustment. She is very lonely at times. I wish I knew how best to make it easier for her.
Mom is struggling a bit. She is still adjusting, and realizes it will be a big adjustment. She is very lonely at times. I wish I knew how best to make it easier for her.
Funeral went well.
The funeral went well in my opinion, and helped Mom and I mourn about Dad's death and rejoice about Dad's life. Thanks to all who helped, attended, and prayed.
Eulogy / Tribute to my father, Harold Abbey
Dad was not perfect, and made many mistakes. However, I want to share some areas that I think we can learn from my father, Harold Abbey.
Dad loved Mom deeply. Many of the health care workers got to see love expressed in ways that were not possible when they were both healthy. When Mom was near death due to a stroke a year ago, Dad said that he wanted to hear Mom yell at him, because then he would know she was OK. Dad cried out desperately to God to save her, and God in His mercy did. So He got his desire to be yelled at. Even in much of their bickering, you could tell that Mom and Dad deeply loved each other. When Dad was ill himself, he fought the best he could because he worried about Mom, and wanted to care for her. Even his cheapness reflected love. He loves God, and wanted to not waste God's money, and he loved Mom, and feared that she would not have enough during retirement years.
Dad was tight with his money for himself, but was generous as he felt he could be with others. He knew however that money alone often can only make underlying issues worse, so he tried to be careful.
Dad would have spoiled me badly, but he did not have it to give. He told me he was glad he did not have it, because he knew it would not be good for me.
Dad hated to see anything go to waste. He felt he should not throw away items that God had given to him to take care of.
Even the items in the dumpster at the Hudson's department store, such as cabinets, lumber, light fixtures, and much else was salvaged. It has blessed many of the family and friends.
Dad loved Mom deeply. Many of the health care workers got to see love expressed in ways that were not possible when they were both healthy. When Mom was near death due to a stroke a year ago, Dad said that he wanted to hear Mom yell at him, because then he would know she was OK. Dad cried out desperately to God to save her, and God in His mercy did. So He got his desire to be yelled at. Even in much of their bickering, you could tell that Mom and Dad deeply loved each other. When Dad was ill himself, he fought the best he could because he worried about Mom, and wanted to care for her. Even his cheapness reflected love. He loves God, and wanted to not waste God's money, and he loved Mom, and feared that she would not have enough during retirement years.
Dad was tight with his money for himself, but was generous as he felt he could be with others. He knew however that money alone often can only make underlying issues worse, so he tried to be careful.
Dad would have spoiled me badly, but he did not have it to give. He told me he was glad he did not have it, because he knew it would not be good for me.
Dad hated to see anything go to waste. He felt he should not throw away items that God had given to him to take care of.
Even the items in the dumpster at the Hudson's department store, such as cabinets, lumber, light fixtures, and much else was salvaged. It has blessed many of the family and friends.
Funeral times Friday after 4, Saturday 10:30
Funeral details have been arranged.
Friday, 10/31/2014, visitation and viewing at 3:30pm for immediate family.
Friday, 10/31/2014, viewing anytime from 4:00pm till 9:00pm for the public.
Saturday, 11/1/2014, All Saints Day, viewing from 10:00am to 11:00am
Saturday, 11/1/2014, 11:00am funeral service, followed by grave-side service.
Visitation and funeral service is at Kaul Funeral Home, 27830 Gratiot; Roseville, MI 48066.
The grave is at Cadillac Memorial Gardens, East, across a pathway from Dad's parents, brother, and other relatives.
It was somewhat amusing arranging the funeral with Mom. The funeral home manager walked us through the process with much patience and understanding. He started us off with a price list and pointed us toward a mid-price package. Mom let her sticker shock be very well known that even that lower price option was way more than she expected. After that initial price offer, I was more than willing to enjoy the round about in circles that went on while I was half working on some other items related to the funeral. For example, I think Mom asked 3 times about what a OBC was (outer burial container), which she knew as a vault, the studier box that holds the coffin in the ground. Dad had already purchased those, so that was not even a relevant part of the discussion, but was listed on one of the price lists.
We ended up with working up from the base package. So things that make it pretty or memorable were skipped, such as a package of flower arrangements, or a necklace with a pendant with a thumbprint of Dad.
We hope that all visitors will not be distracted from the relationships and memories because these extra trimmings are missing.
By the way, Jodi and I got to see pictures of the very cheapest (still not cheap in my opinion) caskets made of cardboard. I made it clear to Jodi that I want the 2nd cheapest, which does not look exactly like a cardboard box, but, in Jodi's phrase, looks a bit like a matchbox.
Mom is having some rough times, but some joyful times with family as well.
Friday, 10/31/2014, visitation and viewing at 3:30pm for immediate family.
Friday, 10/31/2014, viewing anytime from 4:00pm till 9:00pm for the public.
Saturday, 11/1/2014, All Saints Day, viewing from 10:00am to 11:00am
Saturday, 11/1/2014, 11:00am funeral service, followed by grave-side service.
Visitation and funeral service is at Kaul Funeral Home, 27830 Gratiot; Roseville, MI 48066.
The grave is at Cadillac Memorial Gardens, East, across a pathway from Dad's parents, brother, and other relatives.
It was somewhat amusing arranging the funeral with Mom. The funeral home manager walked us through the process with much patience and understanding. He started us off with a price list and pointed us toward a mid-price package. Mom let her sticker shock be very well known that even that lower price option was way more than she expected. After that initial price offer, I was more than willing to enjoy the round about in circles that went on while I was half working on some other items related to the funeral. For example, I think Mom asked 3 times about what a OBC was (outer burial container), which she knew as a vault, the studier box that holds the coffin in the ground. Dad had already purchased those, so that was not even a relevant part of the discussion, but was listed on one of the price lists.
We ended up with working up from the base package. So things that make it pretty or memorable were skipped, such as a package of flower arrangements, or a necklace with a pendant with a thumbprint of Dad.
We hope that all visitors will not be distracted from the relationships and memories because these extra trimmings are missing.
By the way, Jodi and I got to see pictures of the very cheapest (still not cheap in my opinion) caskets made of cardboard. I made it clear to Jodi that I want the 2nd cheapest, which does not look exactly like a cardboard box, but, in Jodi's phrase, looks a bit like a matchbox.
Mom is having some rough times, but some joyful times with family as well.
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