Apologies for not sharing this sooner.
My mother, Sally Abbey, died suddenly Tuesday in the morning.
She died from a stroke / heart attack.
I found her early Tuesday evening on the floor.
It seems it was very sudden, with minimal suffering.
We had visited Saturday, and she had a very nice, enjoyable day. She
seemed healthy as always.
Funeral arrangements are for visitation on Friday evening and Catholic
Mass on Saturday, at 11am at Kaul's of Roseville.
Details are on her online obituary.
Mom is with Jesus, and no longer missing Dad.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Video and pictures from funeral of Pauline Lantz
Hello family,
specifically family of Jodi and of Pauline Lantz,
I put the video of the funeral service of Pauline Lantz online.
A few pictures of the graveside service are online as well.
May God help the family adjust to the loss of this loved one.
specifically family of Jodi and of Pauline Lantz,
I put the video of the funeral service of Pauline Lantz online.
A few pictures of the graveside service are online as well.
May God help the family adjust to the loss of this loved one.
Mom still adjusting, but OK and seems safe.
Mom is still adjusting to being a widow. A main sadness is lack of company or things to keep her busy. Her knitting helps, when she remembers it or is not tired of it. She also has been enjoying getting Christmas cards. She keeps on talking of writing up some to send out, but I doubt her attention span and memory will be such that she will ever get them out. She does think of many people, and has not forgotten her friends and family.
She is usually OK, but once in a while gets lonely.
She had a doctor appointment on Thursday. Her blood sugar level was really good, at 95. In general, she seems healthy. Mom asked if there was anything that could be done to help her memory. (I think it is worse than it was a couple months ago, in some respects.) The doctor said she needs some people to talk to. Being alone too much is not helping her memory.
The social worker that is affiliated with the doctor had her second and last visit on Friday. She recommended, but did not require, assisted living for Mom. In other words, Mom and I would get benefit from some of the services, but there is not an urgent safety need for them. Mom is still adamant about not moving, although sometimes she is open to considering a senior apartment. She wants to stay in the same area, and not move closer to me, because she knows that area, and would feel like she would have to learn where all the stores are in a new area.
The social worker also gave some recommendations on home care / private duty care providers, a new louder phone, and on pill dispensers that are timed to help Mom remember to take her medicine. The pill dispenser comes with a monthly charge for a monitoring service, so that does not really sound like what we want.
The phone answering machine quit working about a week ago. I am not planning on replacing it because Mom had a lot of trouble with it anyway. Without one, the phone can keep ringing, giving her more time to hear it, and get to it.
Today Mom came and visited our house for the first time. She said she had a good time. We wanted to get her away for the day, because 45 years ago today, Mom and Dad were married.
So I would say things are going OK, but not great near term, and still a lot of uncertainly long term. I am glad Mom is safe and healthy.
She is usually OK, but once in a while gets lonely.
She had a doctor appointment on Thursday. Her blood sugar level was really good, at 95. In general, she seems healthy. Mom asked if there was anything that could be done to help her memory. (I think it is worse than it was a couple months ago, in some respects.) The doctor said she needs some people to talk to. Being alone too much is not helping her memory.
The social worker that is affiliated with the doctor had her second and last visit on Friday. She recommended, but did not require, assisted living for Mom. In other words, Mom and I would get benefit from some of the services, but there is not an urgent safety need for them. Mom is still adamant about not moving, although sometimes she is open to considering a senior apartment. She wants to stay in the same area, and not move closer to me, because she knows that area, and would feel like she would have to learn where all the stores are in a new area.
The social worker also gave some recommendations on home care / private duty care providers, a new louder phone, and on pill dispensers that are timed to help Mom remember to take her medicine. The pill dispenser comes with a monthly charge for a monitoring service, so that does not really sound like what we want.
The phone answering machine quit working about a week ago. I am not planning on replacing it because Mom had a lot of trouble with it anyway. Without one, the phone can keep ringing, giving her more time to hear it, and get to it.
Today Mom came and visited our house for the first time. She said she had a good time. We wanted to get her away for the day, because 45 years ago today, Mom and Dad were married.
So I would say things are going OK, but not great near term, and still a lot of uncertainly long term. I am glad Mom is safe and healthy.
Mom considered safe to stay at home alone.
A meeting at the house with a medical social worker today was uneventful and went well.
She was convinced that Mom is safe at home. She is going to help by making some recommendations for pill dispenser with alarm reminder, and phone ringer with flashing light. The nurse, after her second visit, was less worried as well.
She was convinced that Mom is safe at home. She is going to help by making some recommendations for pill dispenser with alarm reminder, and phone ringer with flashing light. The nurse, after her second visit, was less worried as well.
Mom's doctor appointment went OK; cold less a worry than regular pill taking.
Doctor is worried that Mom might not regularly take her pills. He is planning on asking a visiting nurse to check up on her.
Mom not great, but OK, I am fine
I am doing OK, keeping too busy to really be affected by much.
Between work and paperwork needing done for the estate, and some other items, it seems like I have zero time.
Mom is struggling a bit. She is still adjusting, and realizes it will be a big adjustment. She is very lonely at times. I wish I knew how best to make it easier for her.
Mom is struggling a bit. She is still adjusting, and realizes it will be a big adjustment. She is very lonely at times. I wish I knew how best to make it easier for her.
Funeral went well.
The funeral went well in my opinion, and helped Mom and I mourn about Dad's death and rejoice about Dad's life. Thanks to all who helped, attended, and prayed.
Eulogy / Tribute to my father, Harold Abbey
Dad was not perfect, and made many mistakes. However, I want to share some areas that I think we can learn from my father, Harold Abbey.
Dad loved Mom deeply. Many of the health care workers got to see love expressed in ways that were not possible when they were both healthy. When Mom was near death due to a stroke a year ago, Dad said that he wanted to hear Mom yell at him, because then he would know she was OK. Dad cried out desperately to God to save her, and God in His mercy did. So He got his desire to be yelled at. Even in much of their bickering, you could tell that Mom and Dad deeply loved each other. When Dad was ill himself, he fought the best he could because he worried about Mom, and wanted to care for her. Even his cheapness reflected love. He loves God, and wanted to not waste God's money, and he loved Mom, and feared that she would not have enough during retirement years.
Dad was tight with his money for himself, but was generous as he felt he could be with others. He knew however that money alone often can only make underlying issues worse, so he tried to be careful.
Dad would have spoiled me badly, but he did not have it to give. He told me he was glad he did not have it, because he knew it would not be good for me.
Dad hated to see anything go to waste. He felt he should not throw away items that God had given to him to take care of.
Even the items in the dumpster at the Hudson's department store, such as cabinets, lumber, light fixtures, and much else was salvaged. It has blessed many of the family and friends.
Dad loved Mom deeply. Many of the health care workers got to see love expressed in ways that were not possible when they were both healthy. When Mom was near death due to a stroke a year ago, Dad said that he wanted to hear Mom yell at him, because then he would know she was OK. Dad cried out desperately to God to save her, and God in His mercy did. So He got his desire to be yelled at. Even in much of their bickering, you could tell that Mom and Dad deeply loved each other. When Dad was ill himself, he fought the best he could because he worried about Mom, and wanted to care for her. Even his cheapness reflected love. He loves God, and wanted to not waste God's money, and he loved Mom, and feared that she would not have enough during retirement years.
Dad was tight with his money for himself, but was generous as he felt he could be with others. He knew however that money alone often can only make underlying issues worse, so he tried to be careful.
Dad would have spoiled me badly, but he did not have it to give. He told me he was glad he did not have it, because he knew it would not be good for me.
Dad hated to see anything go to waste. He felt he should not throw away items that God had given to him to take care of.
Even the items in the dumpster at the Hudson's department store, such as cabinets, lumber, light fixtures, and much else was salvaged. It has blessed many of the family and friends.
Funeral times Friday after 4, Saturday 10:30
Funeral details have been arranged.
Friday, 10/31/2014, visitation and viewing at 3:30pm for immediate family.
Friday, 10/31/2014, viewing anytime from 4:00pm till 9:00pm for the public.
Saturday, 11/1/2014, All Saints Day, viewing from 10:00am to 11:00am
Saturday, 11/1/2014, 11:00am funeral service, followed by grave-side service.
Visitation and funeral service is at Kaul Funeral Home, 27830 Gratiot; Roseville, MI 48066.
The grave is at Cadillac Memorial Gardens, East, across a pathway from Dad's parents, brother, and other relatives.
It was somewhat amusing arranging the funeral with Mom. The funeral home manager walked us through the process with much patience and understanding. He started us off with a price list and pointed us toward a mid-price package. Mom let her sticker shock be very well known that even that lower price option was way more than she expected. After that initial price offer, I was more than willing to enjoy the round about in circles that went on while I was half working on some other items related to the funeral. For example, I think Mom asked 3 times about what a OBC was (outer burial container), which she knew as a vault, the studier box that holds the coffin in the ground. Dad had already purchased those, so that was not even a relevant part of the discussion, but was listed on one of the price lists.
We ended up with working up from the base package. So things that make it pretty or memorable were skipped, such as a package of flower arrangements, or a necklace with a pendant with a thumbprint of Dad.
We hope that all visitors will not be distracted from the relationships and memories because these extra trimmings are missing.
By the way, Jodi and I got to see pictures of the very cheapest (still not cheap in my opinion) caskets made of cardboard. I made it clear to Jodi that I want the 2nd cheapest, which does not look exactly like a cardboard box, but, in Jodi's phrase, looks a bit like a matchbox.
Mom is having some rough times, but some joyful times with family as well.
Friday, 10/31/2014, visitation and viewing at 3:30pm for immediate family.
Friday, 10/31/2014, viewing anytime from 4:00pm till 9:00pm for the public.
Saturday, 11/1/2014, All Saints Day, viewing from 10:00am to 11:00am
Saturday, 11/1/2014, 11:00am funeral service, followed by grave-side service.
Visitation and funeral service is at Kaul Funeral Home, 27830 Gratiot; Roseville, MI 48066.
The grave is at Cadillac Memorial Gardens, East, across a pathway from Dad's parents, brother, and other relatives.
It was somewhat amusing arranging the funeral with Mom. The funeral home manager walked us through the process with much patience and understanding. He started us off with a price list and pointed us toward a mid-price package. Mom let her sticker shock be very well known that even that lower price option was way more than she expected. After that initial price offer, I was more than willing to enjoy the round about in circles that went on while I was half working on some other items related to the funeral. For example, I think Mom asked 3 times about what a OBC was (outer burial container), which she knew as a vault, the studier box that holds the coffin in the ground. Dad had already purchased those, so that was not even a relevant part of the discussion, but was listed on one of the price lists.
We ended up with working up from the base package. So things that make it pretty or memorable were skipped, such as a package of flower arrangements, or a necklace with a pendant with a thumbprint of Dad.
We hope that all visitors will not be distracted from the relationships and memories because these extra trimmings are missing.
By the way, Jodi and I got to see pictures of the very cheapest (still not cheap in my opinion) caskets made of cardboard. I made it clear to Jodi that I want the 2nd cheapest, which does not look exactly like a cardboard box, but, in Jodi's phrase, looks a bit like a matchbox.
Mom is having some rough times, but some joyful times with family as well.
Fyi flowers option
From funeral home:
You may also visit www.kaulfuneralhome.com for other helpful information. On our web page you will see the option for your family and friends to send flowers via FTD and our local florist. The family and friends code is 71812.
A bit of details of Harold Abbey passage from pain into Jesus's presence.
Dad passed on to be with Jesus.
Mom, Sally Abbey, misses him greatly already.
Dad no longer needs medication to be free from physical pain.
He died.
I know some of you may have heard or read already, because of the
calls, visits, and writings of condolence and support. Thank you.
My father passed from life to death to second life around 3pm today, 10/28/2014.
He had been resting peacefully, with the aid of medicine, the last couple days.
Hospice was a great help with taking care of all the details.
Dad no longer needs medication to be free from physical pain.
He died.
I know some of you may have heard or read already, because of the
calls, visits, and writings of condolence and support. Thank you.
My father passed from life to death to second life around 3pm today, 10/28/2014.
He had been resting peacefully, with the aid of medicine, the last couple days.
Hospice was a great help with taking care of all the details.
Thank God for family and hospice
Hospice has been a great help to Dad, Mom and me.
Uncle Chuck and Aunt Luise came to visit a few days starting this evening and already have been a great help.
Dad is very non-responsive now and very thin looking. He has not been taking liquids for the last day.
So it looks to be soon that he will get to see Jesus.
So it looks to be soon that he will get to see Jesus.
Mom seems very OK when talking to others and distracted. She seems very sad when she thinks about Dad, but seems healthy about it.
Dad may not have long to live
(reposted after accidental deletion)
I would guess around 2 weeks.
Hospice has been able to greatly ease Dad's pain during their visits.
Mom and I have not had as much success, but our efforts have allowed Dad
to have rest, although fitful.
Mom has taken it very hard at times, but often got distracted yesterday
(Friday), by things such as TV news segments or a political
advertisement. She read through the political paper multiple times,
repeating comments, for the election she already absentee voted for.
Last night she got very little sleep, so was more focused today.
As expected and known, but still hard to accept, Dad is dying.
Hospice does not give him long. Much more than hours. Mom got the idea of about a week. I got the impression they can not predict so well yet (or ever), but think less than a month. Based on a pamphlet they provided of symptoms of approaching death, if Dad is following most common timeline, it will be about 2 weeks. However, the pamphlet said very clearly that everyone is different, and estimates are very approximate.
Hospice does not give him long. Much more than hours. Mom got the idea of about a week. I got the impression they can not predict so well yet (or ever), but think less than a month. Based on a pamphlet they provided of symptoms of approaching death, if Dad is following most common timeline, it will be about 2 weeks. However, the pamphlet said very clearly that everyone is different, and estimates are very approximate.
Mom did not sleep last night but was able to sleep this afternoon some
while Dad was also soundly sleeping. Mom gets very saddened and
stressed because she sees Dad in pain, and does not know of anything she
can do to help him. Since Dad has not been wearing pajamas the last
couple days, she sees more clearly now how much weight he has lost. His
very thin frame has helped her understand and acknowledge that Dad is
very sick with the cancer.
When Dad is responsive, he seems confused much of the time. At one
point he asked me who are you. Another time, what year is it. Yet
another time he said he did not know where he was. When dealing with
items such as medicine or moving, he seems very clear minded. Some
times his interaction is just moaning in pain. Once I heard him say a
short prayer to God for help.
A positive of the day was Mom was able, for the first time ever, to get
Dad to take some pain relief medicine when he did not want to.
Dad occasionally will try to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. He
does not have enough strength to even sit up, but he forgets that. In
the morning he was enough out of the bed to be in danger of falling out,
but the hospice help thankfully were able to be called in from outside
to get Dad back in bed. Later in the day he did not seem to have as
much energy to get as far.
Mom had a frustration with the liquid pain relief medicine bottle. She
could not get the child proof cap off. Thankfully I was there to open
it, and we did not screw it on tight again.
Much thanks go to Cousin Sean and Aunt Luise and Uncle Chuck. So far,
Mom's attitude has been affectionate to them, so they have been able to
be a real blessing to Mom and Dad. Mom has enjoyed talking to Aunt
Luise on the phone, and is very much looking forward to an expected
visit from them. Cousin Sean's visits have been encouraging. Dad even
asked for his nephew today, and I am very glad that I could say he was
planning on visiting tomorrow.
Switching from Home Nursing care to Hospice
I requested the visiting home nurse service to switch to hospice. Dad was very minimally responsive today, and really needed more help than I could give. In particular his pain and discomfort did not allow me to get any of his pills in him today. He also was not strong enough to stand, so I could not get him out of bed at all.
Dad consistently very tired.
Dad did not get up today until around 4:30PM.
He always was a night owl, but this is ridiculous. It may be that he had gotten up earlier and went back to bed to rest. However, he had not yet taken his "morning" / wake-up time pills.
He seems to be in a lot of pain, which is likely part of the reason for resting so much. Resting so much means he does not get some of his pills spaced out as much, which is possibly a reason for some of his pain. Alas.
He seems to be getting enough liquids and food, but it is hard to tell. He for sure is not getting more than enough. He lost a lot of weight and could stand to add some of it back.
He seems to be getting discouraged, and sometimes wishes God would take him to heaven quickly and simply, such as via a heart attack. However, as he said, as a Christian he does not get to make that choice, but instead has to wait for God's plan.
Mom seems to be getting more easily distracted. While she had a visitor, she got a phone call. She answered the phone, found out who it was, and then hung up on them without clearly saying that Dad was resting and that she had to go because of a visitor. I wonder if her memory is getting slightly worse, or more confusion and unusual events around her are causing more challenges.
They both seemed to have a nice visit with Cousin Sean today, although Sean was greatly worried about them.
He always was a night owl, but this is ridiculous. It may be that he had gotten up earlier and went back to bed to rest. However, he had not yet taken his "morning" / wake-up time pills.
He seems to be in a lot of pain, which is likely part of the reason for resting so much. Resting so much means he does not get some of his pills spaced out as much, which is possibly a reason for some of his pain. Alas.
He seems to be getting enough liquids and food, but it is hard to tell. He for sure is not getting more than enough. He lost a lot of weight and could stand to add some of it back.
He seems to be getting discouraged, and sometimes wishes God would take him to heaven quickly and simply, such as via a heart attack. However, as he said, as a Christian he does not get to make that choice, but instead has to wait for God's plan.
Mom seems to be getting more easily distracted. While she had a visitor, she got a phone call. She answered the phone, found out who it was, and then hung up on them without clearly saying that Dad was resting and that she had to go because of a visitor. I wonder if her memory is getting slightly worse, or more confusion and unusual events around her are causing more challenges.
They both seemed to have a nice visit with Cousin Sean today, although Sean was greatly worried about them.
Dad and Mom continuing OK
Dad was OK today, but in quite a bit of pain. He took some of the stronger pain medicine in the late afternoon.
Dad is getting slightly weaker day by day.
He was not feeling up to getting up to get his own dinner tonight. So I got him his request, a can of mixed fruit. I am guessing he will start relying on Mom to feed him now. They both reject the idea of meals on wheels, because they do not like the meals (portion and content). I am considering seeing if they would accept food delivery restaurants, like pizza and Jimmy John's subs. Growing up they were always strongly avoided due to unneeded cost and due to discomfort of knowing how to tip.
Mom is sometimes sad, crying at times, but making it through as if all was normal at other times, and bickering or upset at Dad at other times. I guess a healthy mix.
Mom said she would be uncomfortable to drive, due to her legs being shaky. So while she wants (/ demands) the permission to drive, she seems to self-recognize that she does not have the ability.
She also today said that she hoped I was not expecting her to move after Dad dies. At least not for a while. So she is still attached to the house, as I suspected she would be.
Dad is getting slightly weaker day by day.
He was not feeling up to getting up to get his own dinner tonight. So I got him his request, a can of mixed fruit. I am guessing he will start relying on Mom to feed him now. They both reject the idea of meals on wheels, because they do not like the meals (portion and content). I am considering seeing if they would accept food delivery restaurants, like pizza and Jimmy John's subs. Growing up they were always strongly avoided due to unneeded cost and due to discomfort of knowing how to tip.
Mom is sometimes sad, crying at times, but making it through as if all was normal at other times, and bickering or upset at Dad at other times. I guess a healthy mix.
Mom said she would be uncomfortable to drive, due to her legs being shaky. So while she wants (/ demands) the permission to drive, she seems to self-recognize that she does not have the ability.
She also today said that she hoped I was not expecting her to move after Dad dies. At least not for a while. So she is still attached to the house, as I suspected she would be.
Dad in pain, and somewhat depressed.
Dad did not take any pain medicine over the last week, in part out of a desire to avoid narcotics in an attempt to get in a condition to drive. However the pain is difficult for him. I feel it is depressing him as well. Hopefully the doctor visit on Monday, 10/13, will encourage him to take some pain medicine again.
Dad coming home today, 10/2/2014.
Dad's progress in the nursing home continued well.
So he is cleared to come home today, 10/2/2014, Thursday.
He and Mom are both very happy about that.
He has been assigned to use a rolling walker to help walk.
In general, he seems to be the healthiest he has been in quite a while.
Of course, I understand that long term outlook is different, but for the near term, I have good hopes.
I pray that Mom and Dad can get used to living together again. I also ask that being in the same house will help reduce their bickering, since their worries can be lessened since they are together.
So he is cleared to come home today, 10/2/2014, Thursday.
He and Mom are both very happy about that.
He has been assigned to use a rolling walker to help walk.
In general, he seems to be the healthiest he has been in quite a while.
Of course, I understand that long term outlook is different, but for the near term, I have good hopes.
I pray that Mom and Dad can get used to living together again. I also ask that being in the same house will help reduce their bickering, since their worries can be lessened since they are together.
Dad ready for second cataract surgery.
Good news of day: Dad is cleared for cataract surgery for his second eye. The first eye surgery went well. Dad's eyesight is getting to be a real nuisance for him, so this is good news.
It has been a big positive that Affordable Home Care has been driving Mom to visit Dad. That has made things much easier on me.
It has been a big positive that Affordable Home Care has been driving Mom to visit Dad. That has made things much easier on me.
Dad finished with chemotherapy. Estimated 3 weeks till comes home, and 6 months till leaves for eternal home.
The nursing home stay is going well for Dad.
The nursing home rehab is estimating that Dad will be able to come home in October. He has already greatly improved.
Dad decided he cannot take chemotherapy anymore.
The doctor is estimating that Dad has less than 7 months to live, perhaps 6, perhaps less.
Mom, Dad and I all seem to be taking it well, in large part because we have been halfway expecting this for a while.
The nursing home rehab is estimating that Dad will be able to come home in October. He has already greatly improved.
Dad decided he cannot take chemotherapy anymore.
The doctor is estimating that Dad has less than 7 months to live, perhaps 6, perhaps less.
Mom, Dad and I all seem to be taking it well, in large part because we have been halfway expecting this for a while.
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