Showing posts with label dad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dad. Show all posts
Funeral went well.
The funeral went well in my opinion, and helped Mom and I mourn about Dad's death and rejoice about Dad's life. Thanks to all who helped, attended, and prayed.
Eulogy / Tribute to my father, Harold Abbey
Dad was not perfect, and made many mistakes. However, I want to share some areas that I think we can learn from my father, Harold Abbey.
Dad loved Mom deeply. Many of the health care workers got to see love expressed in ways that were not possible when they were both healthy. When Mom was near death due to a stroke a year ago, Dad said that he wanted to hear Mom yell at him, because then he would know she was OK. Dad cried out desperately to God to save her, and God in His mercy did. So He got his desire to be yelled at. Even in much of their bickering, you could tell that Mom and Dad deeply loved each other. When Dad was ill himself, he fought the best he could because he worried about Mom, and wanted to care for her. Even his cheapness reflected love. He loves God, and wanted to not waste God's money, and he loved Mom, and feared that she would not have enough during retirement years.
Dad was tight with his money for himself, but was generous as he felt he could be with others. He knew however that money alone often can only make underlying issues worse, so he tried to be careful.
Dad would have spoiled me badly, but he did not have it to give. He told me he was glad he did not have it, because he knew it would not be good for me.
Dad hated to see anything go to waste. He felt he should not throw away items that God had given to him to take care of.
Even the items in the dumpster at the Hudson's department store, such as cabinets, lumber, light fixtures, and much else was salvaged. It has blessed many of the family and friends.
Dad loved Mom deeply. Many of the health care workers got to see love expressed in ways that were not possible when they were both healthy. When Mom was near death due to a stroke a year ago, Dad said that he wanted to hear Mom yell at him, because then he would know she was OK. Dad cried out desperately to God to save her, and God in His mercy did. So He got his desire to be yelled at. Even in much of their bickering, you could tell that Mom and Dad deeply loved each other. When Dad was ill himself, he fought the best he could because he worried about Mom, and wanted to care for her. Even his cheapness reflected love. He loves God, and wanted to not waste God's money, and he loved Mom, and feared that she would not have enough during retirement years.
Dad was tight with his money for himself, but was generous as he felt he could be with others. He knew however that money alone often can only make underlying issues worse, so he tried to be careful.
Dad would have spoiled me badly, but he did not have it to give. He told me he was glad he did not have it, because he knew it would not be good for me.
Dad hated to see anything go to waste. He felt he should not throw away items that God had given to him to take care of.
Even the items in the dumpster at the Hudson's department store, such as cabinets, lumber, light fixtures, and much else was salvaged. It has blessed many of the family and friends.
Funeral times Friday after 4, Saturday 10:30
Funeral details have been arranged.
Friday, 10/31/2014, visitation and viewing at 3:30pm for immediate family.
Friday, 10/31/2014, viewing anytime from 4:00pm till 9:00pm for the public.
Saturday, 11/1/2014, All Saints Day, viewing from 10:00am to 11:00am
Saturday, 11/1/2014, 11:00am funeral service, followed by grave-side service.
Visitation and funeral service is at Kaul Funeral Home, 27830 Gratiot; Roseville, MI 48066.
The grave is at Cadillac Memorial Gardens, East, across a pathway from Dad's parents, brother, and other relatives.
It was somewhat amusing arranging the funeral with Mom. The funeral home manager walked us through the process with much patience and understanding. He started us off with a price list and pointed us toward a mid-price package. Mom let her sticker shock be very well known that even that lower price option was way more than she expected. After that initial price offer, I was more than willing to enjoy the round about in circles that went on while I was half working on some other items related to the funeral. For example, I think Mom asked 3 times about what a OBC was (outer burial container), which she knew as a vault, the studier box that holds the coffin in the ground. Dad had already purchased those, so that was not even a relevant part of the discussion, but was listed on one of the price lists.
We ended up with working up from the base package. So things that make it pretty or memorable were skipped, such as a package of flower arrangements, or a necklace with a pendant with a thumbprint of Dad.
We hope that all visitors will not be distracted from the relationships and memories because these extra trimmings are missing.
By the way, Jodi and I got to see pictures of the very cheapest (still not cheap in my opinion) caskets made of cardboard. I made it clear to Jodi that I want the 2nd cheapest, which does not look exactly like a cardboard box, but, in Jodi's phrase, looks a bit like a matchbox.
Mom is having some rough times, but some joyful times with family as well.
Friday, 10/31/2014, visitation and viewing at 3:30pm for immediate family.
Friday, 10/31/2014, viewing anytime from 4:00pm till 9:00pm for the public.
Saturday, 11/1/2014, All Saints Day, viewing from 10:00am to 11:00am
Saturday, 11/1/2014, 11:00am funeral service, followed by grave-side service.
Visitation and funeral service is at Kaul Funeral Home, 27830 Gratiot; Roseville, MI 48066.
The grave is at Cadillac Memorial Gardens, East, across a pathway from Dad's parents, brother, and other relatives.
It was somewhat amusing arranging the funeral with Mom. The funeral home manager walked us through the process with much patience and understanding. He started us off with a price list and pointed us toward a mid-price package. Mom let her sticker shock be very well known that even that lower price option was way more than she expected. After that initial price offer, I was more than willing to enjoy the round about in circles that went on while I was half working on some other items related to the funeral. For example, I think Mom asked 3 times about what a OBC was (outer burial container), which she knew as a vault, the studier box that holds the coffin in the ground. Dad had already purchased those, so that was not even a relevant part of the discussion, but was listed on one of the price lists.
We ended up with working up from the base package. So things that make it pretty or memorable were skipped, such as a package of flower arrangements, or a necklace with a pendant with a thumbprint of Dad.
We hope that all visitors will not be distracted from the relationships and memories because these extra trimmings are missing.
By the way, Jodi and I got to see pictures of the very cheapest (still not cheap in my opinion) caskets made of cardboard. I made it clear to Jodi that I want the 2nd cheapest, which does not look exactly like a cardboard box, but, in Jodi's phrase, looks a bit like a matchbox.
Mom is having some rough times, but some joyful times with family as well.
Fyi flowers option
From funeral home:
You may also visit www.kaulfuneralhome.com for other helpful information. On our web page you will see the option for your family and friends to send flowers via FTD and our local florist. The family and friends code is 71812.
A bit of details of Harold Abbey passage from pain into Jesus's presence.
Dad passed on to be with Jesus.
Mom, Sally Abbey, misses him greatly already.
Dad no longer needs medication to be free from physical pain.
He died.
I know some of you may have heard or read already, because of the
calls, visits, and writings of condolence and support. Thank you.
My father passed from life to death to second life around 3pm today, 10/28/2014.
He had been resting peacefully, with the aid of medicine, the last couple days.
Hospice was a great help with taking care of all the details.
Dad no longer needs medication to be free from physical pain.
He died.
I know some of you may have heard or read already, because of the
calls, visits, and writings of condolence and support. Thank you.
My father passed from life to death to second life around 3pm today, 10/28/2014.
He had been resting peacefully, with the aid of medicine, the last couple days.
Hospice was a great help with taking care of all the details.
Thank God for family and hospice
Hospice has been a great help to Dad, Mom and me.
Uncle Chuck and Aunt Luise came to visit a few days starting this evening and already have been a great help.
Dad is very non-responsive now and very thin looking. He has not been taking liquids for the last day.
So it looks to be soon that he will get to see Jesus.
So it looks to be soon that he will get to see Jesus.
Mom seems very OK when talking to others and distracted. She seems very sad when she thinks about Dad, but seems healthy about it.
Dad may not have long to live
(reposted after accidental deletion)
I would guess around 2 weeks.
Hospice has been able to greatly ease Dad's pain during their visits.
Mom and I have not had as much success, but our efforts have allowed Dad
to have rest, although fitful.
Mom has taken it very hard at times, but often got distracted yesterday
(Friday), by things such as TV news segments or a political
advertisement. She read through the political paper multiple times,
repeating comments, for the election she already absentee voted for.
Last night she got very little sleep, so was more focused today.
As expected and known, but still hard to accept, Dad is dying.
Hospice does not give him long. Much more than hours. Mom got the idea of about a week. I got the impression they can not predict so well yet (or ever), but think less than a month. Based on a pamphlet they provided of symptoms of approaching death, if Dad is following most common timeline, it will be about 2 weeks. However, the pamphlet said very clearly that everyone is different, and estimates are very approximate.
Hospice does not give him long. Much more than hours. Mom got the idea of about a week. I got the impression they can not predict so well yet (or ever), but think less than a month. Based on a pamphlet they provided of symptoms of approaching death, if Dad is following most common timeline, it will be about 2 weeks. However, the pamphlet said very clearly that everyone is different, and estimates are very approximate.
Mom did not sleep last night but was able to sleep this afternoon some
while Dad was also soundly sleeping. Mom gets very saddened and
stressed because she sees Dad in pain, and does not know of anything she
can do to help him. Since Dad has not been wearing pajamas the last
couple days, she sees more clearly now how much weight he has lost. His
very thin frame has helped her understand and acknowledge that Dad is
very sick with the cancer.
When Dad is responsive, he seems confused much of the time. At one
point he asked me who are you. Another time, what year is it. Yet
another time he said he did not know where he was. When dealing with
items such as medicine or moving, he seems very clear minded. Some
times his interaction is just moaning in pain. Once I heard him say a
short prayer to God for help.
A positive of the day was Mom was able, for the first time ever, to get
Dad to take some pain relief medicine when he did not want to.
Dad occasionally will try to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. He
does not have enough strength to even sit up, but he forgets that. In
the morning he was enough out of the bed to be in danger of falling out,
but the hospice help thankfully were able to be called in from outside
to get Dad back in bed. Later in the day he did not seem to have as
much energy to get as far.
Mom had a frustration with the liquid pain relief medicine bottle. She
could not get the child proof cap off. Thankfully I was there to open
it, and we did not screw it on tight again.
Much thanks go to Cousin Sean and Aunt Luise and Uncle Chuck. So far,
Mom's attitude has been affectionate to them, so they have been able to
be a real blessing to Mom and Dad. Mom has enjoyed talking to Aunt
Luise on the phone, and is very much looking forward to an expected
visit from them. Cousin Sean's visits have been encouraging. Dad even
asked for his nephew today, and I am very glad that I could say he was
planning on visiting tomorrow.
Switching from Home Nursing care to Hospice
I requested the visiting home nurse service to switch to hospice. Dad was very minimally responsive today, and really needed more help than I could give. In particular his pain and discomfort did not allow me to get any of his pills in him today. He also was not strong enough to stand, so I could not get him out of bed at all.
Dad consistently very tired.
Dad did not get up today until around 4:30PM.
He always was a night owl, but this is ridiculous. It may be that he had gotten up earlier and went back to bed to rest. However, he had not yet taken his "morning" / wake-up time pills.
He seems to be in a lot of pain, which is likely part of the reason for resting so much. Resting so much means he does not get some of his pills spaced out as much, which is possibly a reason for some of his pain. Alas.
He seems to be getting enough liquids and food, but it is hard to tell. He for sure is not getting more than enough. He lost a lot of weight and could stand to add some of it back.
He seems to be getting discouraged, and sometimes wishes God would take him to heaven quickly and simply, such as via a heart attack. However, as he said, as a Christian he does not get to make that choice, but instead has to wait for God's plan.
Mom seems to be getting more easily distracted. While she had a visitor, she got a phone call. She answered the phone, found out who it was, and then hung up on them without clearly saying that Dad was resting and that she had to go because of a visitor. I wonder if her memory is getting slightly worse, or more confusion and unusual events around her are causing more challenges.
They both seemed to have a nice visit with Cousin Sean today, although Sean was greatly worried about them.
He always was a night owl, but this is ridiculous. It may be that he had gotten up earlier and went back to bed to rest. However, he had not yet taken his "morning" / wake-up time pills.
He seems to be in a lot of pain, which is likely part of the reason for resting so much. Resting so much means he does not get some of his pills spaced out as much, which is possibly a reason for some of his pain. Alas.
He seems to be getting enough liquids and food, but it is hard to tell. He for sure is not getting more than enough. He lost a lot of weight and could stand to add some of it back.
He seems to be getting discouraged, and sometimes wishes God would take him to heaven quickly and simply, such as via a heart attack. However, as he said, as a Christian he does not get to make that choice, but instead has to wait for God's plan.
Mom seems to be getting more easily distracted. While she had a visitor, she got a phone call. She answered the phone, found out who it was, and then hung up on them without clearly saying that Dad was resting and that she had to go because of a visitor. I wonder if her memory is getting slightly worse, or more confusion and unusual events around her are causing more challenges.
They both seemed to have a nice visit with Cousin Sean today, although Sean was greatly worried about them.
Dad and Mom continuing OK
Dad was OK today, but in quite a bit of pain. He took some of the stronger pain medicine in the late afternoon.
Dad is getting slightly weaker day by day.
He was not feeling up to getting up to get his own dinner tonight. So I got him his request, a can of mixed fruit. I am guessing he will start relying on Mom to feed him now. They both reject the idea of meals on wheels, because they do not like the meals (portion and content). I am considering seeing if they would accept food delivery restaurants, like pizza and Jimmy John's subs. Growing up they were always strongly avoided due to unneeded cost and due to discomfort of knowing how to tip.
Mom is sometimes sad, crying at times, but making it through as if all was normal at other times, and bickering or upset at Dad at other times. I guess a healthy mix.
Mom said she would be uncomfortable to drive, due to her legs being shaky. So while she wants (/ demands) the permission to drive, she seems to self-recognize that she does not have the ability.
She also today said that she hoped I was not expecting her to move after Dad dies. At least not for a while. So she is still attached to the house, as I suspected she would be.
Dad is getting slightly weaker day by day.
He was not feeling up to getting up to get his own dinner tonight. So I got him his request, a can of mixed fruit. I am guessing he will start relying on Mom to feed him now. They both reject the idea of meals on wheels, because they do not like the meals (portion and content). I am considering seeing if they would accept food delivery restaurants, like pizza and Jimmy John's subs. Growing up they were always strongly avoided due to unneeded cost and due to discomfort of knowing how to tip.
Mom is sometimes sad, crying at times, but making it through as if all was normal at other times, and bickering or upset at Dad at other times. I guess a healthy mix.
Mom said she would be uncomfortable to drive, due to her legs being shaky. So while she wants (/ demands) the permission to drive, she seems to self-recognize that she does not have the ability.
She also today said that she hoped I was not expecting her to move after Dad dies. At least not for a while. So she is still attached to the house, as I suspected she would be.
Dad in pain, and somewhat depressed.
Dad did not take any pain medicine over the last week, in part out of a desire to avoid narcotics in an attempt to get in a condition to drive. However the pain is difficult for him. I feel it is depressing him as well. Hopefully the doctor visit on Monday, 10/13, will encourage him to take some pain medicine again.
Dad coming home today, 10/2/2014.
Dad's progress in the nursing home continued well.
So he is cleared to come home today, 10/2/2014, Thursday.
He and Mom are both very happy about that.
He has been assigned to use a rolling walker to help walk.
In general, he seems to be the healthiest he has been in quite a while.
Of course, I understand that long term outlook is different, but for the near term, I have good hopes.
I pray that Mom and Dad can get used to living together again. I also ask that being in the same house will help reduce their bickering, since their worries can be lessened since they are together.
So he is cleared to come home today, 10/2/2014, Thursday.
He and Mom are both very happy about that.
He has been assigned to use a rolling walker to help walk.
In general, he seems to be the healthiest he has been in quite a while.
Of course, I understand that long term outlook is different, but for the near term, I have good hopes.
I pray that Mom and Dad can get used to living together again. I also ask that being in the same house will help reduce their bickering, since their worries can be lessened since they are together.
Dad ready for second cataract surgery.
Good news of day: Dad is cleared for cataract surgery for his second eye. The first eye surgery went well. Dad's eyesight is getting to be a real nuisance for him, so this is good news.
It has been a big positive that Affordable Home Care has been driving Mom to visit Dad. That has made things much easier on me.
It has been a big positive that Affordable Home Care has been driving Mom to visit Dad. That has made things much easier on me.
Dad finished with chemotherapy. Estimated 3 weeks till comes home, and 6 months till leaves for eternal home.
The nursing home stay is going well for Dad.
The nursing home rehab is estimating that Dad will be able to come home in October. He has already greatly improved.
Dad decided he cannot take chemotherapy anymore.
The doctor is estimating that Dad has less than 7 months to live, perhaps 6, perhaps less.
Mom, Dad and I all seem to be taking it well, in large part because we have been halfway expecting this for a while.
The nursing home rehab is estimating that Dad will be able to come home in October. He has already greatly improved.
Dad decided he cannot take chemotherapy anymore.
The doctor is estimating that Dad has less than 7 months to live, perhaps 6, perhaps less.
Mom, Dad and I all seem to be taking it well, in large part because we have been halfway expecting this for a while.
Dad moving to Church of Christ Care Center.
The plan is that Dad will move to Church of Christ Care Center at 5pm by ambulance from the hospital today.
I am praising God for this.
I am praising God for this.
Dad going to nursing home; pausing chemotherapy
As heard before, due to the payment methods and extreme costs, nursing homes can not accept patients undergoing chemotherapy and the side-effects they bring.
So Dad will be pausing chemotherapy while he is placed in a nursing home.
The hope is that Dad will regain enough strength in the nursing home to be returned home. At that point the chemotherapy should be able to restart.
So now back to the point of praying that Dad gets a good nursing home, and Mom can manage home alone and getting to and from visiting Dad without too much difficulty.
So Dad will be pausing chemotherapy while he is placed in a nursing home.
The hope is that Dad will regain enough strength in the nursing home to be returned home. At that point the chemotherapy should be able to restart.
So now back to the point of praying that Dad gets a good nursing home, and Mom can manage home alone and getting to and from visiting Dad without too much difficulty.
Dad going to nursing home; unclear if continuing chemotherapy
Dad is recovering ok in hospital, but still throwing up some on a liquid diet.
Due to his not being able to handle chemotherapy while living at home, he is going to be moved to a nursing home.
It is unclear if he will be able to continue chemotherapy from the nursing home, or the focus will switch to hospice. Part of the decision will be what the health insurance will cover. I hope to learn more Tuesday.
Dad is unsure if he will ever come to live at home again. Mom seemed to take it well.
I think they both are being overly pessimistic at this point. Hopefully I will find out more later...
I think they both are being overly pessimistic at this point. Hopefully I will find out more later...
Dad doing better in hospital, but still vomiting
Dad looked and sounded much better this afternoon.
His cancer doctor mentioned the possibility (likelihood?) of him being sent to a nursing home / rehab center after getting out of the hospital. Both Mom and Dad are saddened by that idea, but seem to be accepting of it. Dad's main concern is confirming if it would be covered by their health insurance. A secondary hope is to get to a desirable place.
Dad was put on a liquid diet, due to his still vomiting. Even with a liquid meal, he still had trouble keeping food down.
His cancer doctor mentioned the possibility (likelihood?) of him being sent to a nursing home / rehab center after getting out of the hospital. Both Mom and Dad are saddened by that idea, but seem to be accepting of it. Dad's main concern is confirming if it would be covered by their health insurance. A secondary hope is to get to a desirable place.
Dad was put on a liquid diet, due to his still vomiting. Even with a liquid meal, he still had trouble keeping food down.
Dad dehydrated enough that admitted to hospital.
Dad was weak again today. This late morning he drank some water, and a nutrition drink. A bit later I asked him to try some more water. He said he felt nauseous, but I encouraged him to try a bit more. He did, and a bit later he thew up. So much for getting the nutrition drink and pills he had earlier.
The raised toilet seat had been helping a lot. The main challenge in that area has been that Dad has developed painful hemorrhoids.
Eventually, we went to the chemo doctor, and doctor felt the dehydration was serious enough to admit Dad to the hospital. So Dad is at St. John South Macomb hospital again.
Transportation mostly solved; nutrition good recently, but still a concern.
Yesterday afternoon Dad, in despair, called me over to the house to help. He wanted help cleaning himself and getting food and water.
I was able to help some.
Also he was able to have a breakfast drink this morning, a sandwich for lunch, and a reasonable dinner.
Today he also got a raised toilet seat that goes over the existing toilet.
Dad was also able to get up from the toilet seat unassisted after the placement of a seat riser on the toilet.
The physical therapist was there, and seemed to feel Dad would have enough strength to do his business unassisted.
His cancer doctor today thought he looked a lot better, mainly because of his body posture reflecting his less pain and more strength. Chemotherapy is continuing Wednesday.
Dad had felt weak enough that he decided to ask the Doctor for a walker. Doctor felt that Dad should not give in yet to getting more of that type of help, and that for now he should keep using a cane.
As part of the visit to the doctor, the hired help came along to learn where the doctor's office was, and the procedure that had been used to transport Dad.
It looks like the hired help will be a huge help for transportation. They helped Dad down the stairs safely, and were able to drive Mom's car home without any concerns.
Dad requested, and the hired help agreed, to also try their vehicle to see if it works better for them than Mom's car.
They will cost slightly more than taxi service, be much more helpful with steps in and out, and be understanding of the situation. Also, riding in Mom's car is much more comfortable for Dad than one of the taxis he was in one-and-a-half weeks ago.
Mom did not question today Dad getting a ride from someone else, nor that she would get a ride tomorrow to her doctor's appointment. Now that the arrangements are being made in somewhat of a whirlwind, she does not even seem to be asking the question of why, and why does she need help driving. Hopefully the question will not come to her mind, or be answered sufficiently in some non-threatening way.
There is still a concern of Dad getting water and nourishment. We are still working for agreements and arrangements so hired help can work to help with that as well. Alternatively, if Dad can gain enough strength to get himself to the refrigerator and table himself, maybe the hired help will not need to worry about that part.
So praise God for the extra help, and Dad's improvement of today anyway.
I was able to help some.
Also he was able to have a breakfast drink this morning, a sandwich for lunch, and a reasonable dinner.
Today he also got a raised toilet seat that goes over the existing toilet.
Dad was also able to get up from the toilet seat unassisted after the placement of a seat riser on the toilet.
The physical therapist was there, and seemed to feel Dad would have enough strength to do his business unassisted.
His cancer doctor today thought he looked a lot better, mainly because of his body posture reflecting his less pain and more strength. Chemotherapy is continuing Wednesday.
Dad had felt weak enough that he decided to ask the Doctor for a walker. Doctor felt that Dad should not give in yet to getting more of that type of help, and that for now he should keep using a cane.
As part of the visit to the doctor, the hired help came along to learn where the doctor's office was, and the procedure that had been used to transport Dad.
It looks like the hired help will be a huge help for transportation. They helped Dad down the stairs safely, and were able to drive Mom's car home without any concerns.
Dad requested, and the hired help agreed, to also try their vehicle to see if it works better for them than Mom's car.
They will cost slightly more than taxi service, be much more helpful with steps in and out, and be understanding of the situation. Also, riding in Mom's car is much more comfortable for Dad than one of the taxis he was in one-and-a-half weeks ago.
Mom did not question today Dad getting a ride from someone else, nor that she would get a ride tomorrow to her doctor's appointment. Now that the arrangements are being made in somewhat of a whirlwind, she does not even seem to be asking the question of why, and why does she need help driving. Hopefully the question will not come to her mind, or be answered sufficiently in some non-threatening way.
There is still a concern of Dad getting water and nourishment. We are still working for agreements and arrangements so hired help can work to help with that as well. Alternatively, if Dad can gain enough strength to get himself to the refrigerator and table himself, maybe the hired help will not need to worry about that part.
So praise God for the extra help, and Dad's improvement of today anyway.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)